I am complete now with the A Year To Live (Stephine Levine) book
study group I shared with others at the Insight Meditation Center. It
felt like a year long process in saying Yes to life and my full
experience. Yes to the sadness at the thought of dying, yes to the
tears, yes to the fear of what would happen to my young boys, yes to
the sadness for the grief a death brings to a family and community.
Yes to places where I say No. Yes to healing painful patterns from
the past. Yes to forgiveness and kindness and compassion. Yes to the
frustration and depression and rage. Very powerful process for me.
Very grateful for it and all those who shared it with me.
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE?
inside my A Year To Live (AYTL) experiment Life HERE as I know it ended July 14th
a quite arbitrary date, the start of the AYTL book group at IMC my local insight meditation center
I joined to understand the tears that came every time I thought about dying (they are still HERE now )
some of what I learned along the way was how much I LOVE being HERE fully in my body, watching my mind and feeling my heart right HERE, right NOW within the chaotic soup of thoughts, feelings and body sensations, the wave of Life that moves through me
somewhere within the process I forgave myself and Life and many of you (there’s still forgiveness work to be done the process is a life long one)
the tears are tears for the thought “but I’m not done” when the truth is there never is anything to “do”, just be here open letting Life experience itself through me, living fully as a human life being
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE? how wonderful it’s been to share some of my journey HERE with you thank you for all that you bring into Life and share with me and others
HERE or THERE, Life goes on and I imagine I’ll love THERE as much as HERE for the truth is there is no HERE or THERE, no me or you, then and now are simply the illusions of TIME and SPACE that BEING creates HERE
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE? in this aging body with it’s aches and pains, with this confused mind so full of ruminations, with a heart that often feels sad, with a growing awareness and more wisdom and LOVE than I could ever have imagined
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE? the smell of orange blossoms, the magnificence of a rainbow, the sound of a hummingbird, the warmth of a hug, the glow of the sun, the stillness when I sit quietly to fully be my experience
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE?
when I am no longer HERE I’ll be THERE and THERE will be HERE somehow it’s more than this limited mind can make sense of
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE? to be able to put into words some of the richness of my experience and share it with you, to know love and friendship and gratitude, compassion and joy, frustration and despair, and the whole chaotic soup of experiences
did I mention how much I LOVE being HERE? I do
and when it’s time to be done, I will be done
-Ryl